One of the hardest pieces of journeying through depression as a Christian is the stigma that comes with depression. I felt my faith was weak as I believed Christians don’t get depressed. I felt shame and guilt and that led to me withdrawing and isolating myself. I had concluded that my depression was clear that I was both weak in mind and faith.
It was at this point in my own journey that I started to understand a little more that I had a massive problem with the fear of man. I believed and trusted in God but had fallen into the fear of man. At some point I started looking to people to do what only God can do. I prayed, read and journaled and here’s what I came up with:
- I needed to set emotional goals for myself and pray! I had to understand not everyone will be fair or understand me. I need to allow disappointments and hurts to cause me to turn to Jesus. I needed to understand that apart from Jesus I can’t do anything.
- If I was going to see lifelong changes they would start with daily adjustments.
- I learned that if I was going to grow I would need to stop isolating myself and make myself accountable to at least one person.
- I needed to see the emotional healing that was happening as part of my spiritual awakening. I needed to focus on God and worship Him and spend less time looking to others to do what only God could do.
God helps in the daily ups and downs. He helps in the life changing disasters in our lives. He helps as I trust that I can’t know myself as well as God knows me. That’s a point of faith. I can’t understand my situation and circumstances as well as God knows them. God helped me a little at a time to understand what was going on in me. It began with this point of faith: He knows me better than I know myself. Psalm 139 was like medicine for my soul.
I have recently bought a house with my family. One of the projects I’m working on is the kitchen and bathrooms. Have you ever taken a sink apart? There is some stuff in there that has no proper name so we call it slime or dirt. It’s gross but it needs to go! Going to God with an open heart often results in His confronting in me what needs to go. The slime in my life was my faith rooted in others and not in my loving, merciful God. He continues to pull that slime out a piece at a time
A summary so far:
- Be courageous and let someone in.
- Depression is often anger turned inward.
- Depression often grows by looking to others to do what only God can do.
- Consider speaking to a medical doctor.
- Faith calls us to trust and worship even in depression.