Depression, taking one step at a time out of the darkness.

I have been sharing my own journey with depression in hopes someone is helped and encouraged.

It was in my understanding of the relationship between depression and anger that I started to learn how to identify what was happening in my mind. The third massive step came from my understanding of the relationship between depression and expectations. It was in the understanding of the expectations in my mind that I could start to make allowances for painful truths I had pushed deep down. 

Here’s how that understanding grew in my mind: 

  • I had an over-idealized view of what my reality could and should be like.  
  • When I look back now it is clear now that when my expectations didn’t become a reality I would start to drift into depression. 
  • I considered my value to be driven by my performance. 
  • My depression had come from my expectations or hopes as a child that didn’t become a reality. 
  • To avoid depressions trap I had to understand and accept that life isn’t perfect. I had to identify the myths about my life. 
  • I learned that I had looked for contentment from external sources. Thinking contentment comes from my world being what I want it to be and looking to others to do what only God can do. If others can’t do for me what I want them to do doesn’t mean that I am worthless or useless. 
  • I can’t get rid of depression forever. I may be more susceptible to depression, from the impact of rejections and misunderstandings. 
  • I need to learn about the patterns of my depression. 
  • I found I rose and fell based on how others responded to me. If I was encouraged, supported, understood, and cared for I felt good. But when those things didn’t come I would drift into depression. I learned that only God was perfect and everyone else would fail me, as I would fail them in some way and some point in our lives. 

A summary so far: 

  1. Be courageous and let someone in. 
  2. Depression is often anger turned inward.
  3. Depression often grows by looking to others to do what only God can do. 

Depression often grows by looking to others to do what only God can do. 

Do you resonate with any of those 3 statements? If so, it might be important to take the next step. This step was as hard for me as the first step. My counselor friend suggested considering medication. My face must have revealed my heart as he recommended medication. I thought to myself “Am I that bad in this battle and so weak in my efforts to break free that I need medicine?”. I wrestled for a long time with this step. I thought it wasn’t medicine I needed but more faith. Eventually I shared this perception with my friend. He then asked me a hard question. If I have strep throat, is that a sign of weakness and a sign that my faith is weak? Is having strep a test of my faith, and if I had stronger faith would the strep disappear? Sometimes taking medicine for depression is just the same as taking medicines for other medical needs. I had never thought about that before. So here’s what I learned about medical help for depression: 

  1. Be open minded as you consider the medical aspects of depression. If your car’s engine warning light comes on you don’t think twice about bothering a mechanic you get it fixed. Do the same with your chemical levels. Sometimes we all just need a little help.  
  2. Depression can happen for a number of reasons and all avenues need to be considered for treatment, help and support. 
  3. Medication can help with emotional management.  
  4. Here are some physiological signs that medication should be considered: erratic sleep; excessive pessimism; easily led to crying; moodiness; significant change in weight; decreased sex drive; decreased motivation; poor concentration and thoughts of self harm. At various times I had experienced all of these symptoms. 
  5. Depression is sometimes caused because emotional health is depleted. 

Sometimes we all just need a little help

Can I encourage you with these first steps. Pray that God would help you manage your depression. Depression is deep and doesn’t usually just disappear. As I said in my previous blog I want to write these blogs to be a caring pastor and if I can pray for you please email me at:  caringpastorglyn@gmail.com.

Depression, the ugly reality.

My journey with depression has been an on and off again battle. Some days I was fully functioning and felt “normal”. Other days it seemed as though I was carrying a large weight around. When it became clear that something more than a simple “down day” was happening I started to read and read and read. What I didn’t do was tell anyone. I mean, who would I tell? What would they think of me if I told them? I was supposed to be the strong one. 

Depression does that, it locks you into isolation. It’s the isolation that is natural but it is so dangerous. I have found in the 20+ years of pastoral counseling as I tried to help people it was the isolation that I saw to be so dangerous. That isolation kept everything in the dark where only shame and guilt grew. In my experience it wasn’t the vocal people that were most at risk it was the silent ones who didn’t let anyone in. I didn’t want to be that person who impacted his family and his church with his silent struggle. So I tried to power through. That didn’t work at all. 

So I made the big step of letting someone in. I was so apprehensive about telling someone. I felt so weak, defeated, and dumb. But when I reached out to a person I trusted who was both a counselor and a friend, I found him to be so understanding, supportive, and helpful. I didn’t feel as though I was weak or broken. My friend listened and encouraged me and from the beginning of that first step God started a great work in my soul. 

In my mind depression is like grief, you don’t so much get over it as much as though you learn to live with it. 

As I shared with my friend what was happening he suggested a number of things to read. As I read I learned so much.

For the next few blogs I’m going to share some of the most helpful mind-changing things I learned. Number one was being courageous and let one person in with what’s going on. If you don’t know who to turn to, pray and ask God to guide you. 

Number two on that list was the life-changing paradigm shift that depression is often anger turned inward. I never connected those dots before. I thought something was wrong with me. I thought maybe I was just weak. I thought maybe just a change in job and zip code would lift the darkness I felt. What I learned was such a huge growth point for me. I moved from looking at circumstances and relationships to looking inward. I prayed more specifically as I sought to understand. 

Here is what I learned: To grow I need to be able to identify my anger. When I can more clearly identify my anger I can learn how to manage it better. 

  1. I needed to understand my personality. To learn how to not subject my soul to unnecessary stressors that perpetuate my depression. Someone once said to me “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. That was so important for me. 
  2. I learned that I hated being taken for granted, misunderstood, and manipulated by strong willed people. 
  3. I found that I felt anger that was shown in my sense of not being understood or accepted. I often responded with a tendency to withdraw .
  4. I feared that if I expressed my anger people would misunderstand or reject me. 
  5. I learned that my anger is typically mismanaged by suppression. That sense of suppression leads me to being critical or withdrawing.  
  6. I also learned that when I didn’t withdraw I responded with being passive-aggressive.

This tied in so much with what I read about Elijah in I Kings chapter 18 & 19 . Here again is a summary of what I shared in my last blog: 

  1. Elijah was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.
  2. Elijah had unmet expectations . He thought that this hasn’t gone like he thought it should have gone. 
  3. He responded with isolation.  
  4. This led Elijah to experience suicidal thoughts . He thought there was no way of escape.  
  5. Finally, Elijah lost perspective:  “I am the only one left….”

Can I encourage you with those first two steps. Pray that God would help you manage your depression. Depression is deep and doesn’t usually just disappear. As I said in my previous blog I want to write these blogs to be a caring pastor and if I can pray for you please email me at:  caringpastorglyn@gmail.com. 

The downward spiral of depression

One of the most surprising lessons I learned about depression as a Christian is that there are examples of depression in the Bible. I was pretty shocked to study this as I always thought depression was a sign of weakness or worse yet, defeat. 

In his book about depression, author Phil Tuttle calls depression “The silent killer of God’s servants”. I can certainly resonate with that. I have spent much time especially on Sundays wrestling with a deep sense of darkness in my soul. I remember struggling with the energy needed to get in front of people, and struggling with caring for others when I feel so low myself. I remember wrestling with seasons when I have no idea why I feel such darkness in my heart. I searched for deep sins and logical reasons for the depression that was so real. I sought help, prayed and prayed and prayed! 

Then God led me to His Word and hope started to come back a little at a time. 

In I Kings chapters 18 & 19 we read Elijah’s five steps in his downward spiral into depression. I won’t go on and on but simply outline for you what happened and I’m sure you will see parts of his pattern in your own life.  

  1. He is physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted – depression so often starts here 
  2. Unmet expectations – This hasn’t gone like I think it should have 
  3. Isolation 
  4. Suicidal thoughts – Thinking there is no escape 
  5. Lost perspective – “I am the only one left….”

If we are going to learn to live with depression it’s important to start with understanding how we spiral down. If we can start to see patterns we can be better equipped to respond to the soul darkness we feel. 

For me at least, these 5 stages Elijah went through resonate with me so much. I don’t like resting, that’s what sleep is for. I struggle with just being still. Anyone who knows me would say I’m active. So periods of physical and emotional exhaustion come pretty regularly. Serving as a pastor as an imperfect person serving imperfect people there will be a steady stream of unmet expectations. I am definitely that guy that responds to the first two stages with a response of withdrawal. I look back and see how this part of the spiral takes me down. It’s hard to ask for help. I have a million reasons why I shouldn’t share this struggle with anyone. I have never wrestled with serious thoughts of suicide but I have known times when I feel paralyzed. It’s in that place that all reality and perspective is lost. I feel very much alone and I feel very hopeless.Can you resonate with these stages in your own life? I would love to help as I am able. I can pray for you at least. You are not alone in so many ways. My email address is caringpastorglyn@gmail.com.

Darkness

There are many unspoken lessons we learn by going to church or by being in relationship with Christians. We learn at an early age what words we should and should not use. We learn what we should and should not do. 

Some of those lessons are life-changing. We learn that Jesus died to save us and that we can be in a relationship with Him. 

Some of those lessons can be life-sucking. We learn that there are some people who will always be there with their clipboards keeping track of our mistakes. We learn that there are always rules and if we aren’t careful we think that rule keepers is what God primarily wants. 

I have always been that guy that rides the ups and downs of life. I am the one who jokes around and laughs out loud and loves to make others laugh. I am that guy who drifts into seeking solitude. I am that guy who wrestles with seasons of depression. 

The trouble is, I claim to be a Christian. To make matters worse I have served as a pastor for over 25 years. One of the lessons I learned was that Christians and especially pastors don’t and shouldn’t wrestle with depression. So I pushed down the darkness I felt and powered through the tough days. That works for a while but soon depression is like squeezing a balloon. If you squeeze in the middle, the air is pushed to the outside. Depression will impact us if we don’t acknowledge it and allow God to do His work in our lives. 

Recently my very good friend, Tom Bennardo, wrote a book about church planting. It’s called “The honest guide to church planting”. I loved the book but I especially enjoyed the first chapter, “The truth about you”. In this chapter Tom talks about “The Great Weakening”. He shares how church planting will reveal in you what you didn’t know existed. He writes that there are four areas that we feel with our own great weakening.

  • Physical / emotional health – For me, that was depression. 
  • Marriage / family 
  • Finances 
  • Ministry – work 

At the conclusion of this life-changing chapter he writes: “We’re struck with the haunting prospect that we’re enduring an affliction we did not seek, for a purpose we can not understand, before a God who will not intervene”. That has been me so many times in my life. 

So as I start this series I want to make the following commitments to those of you willing to journey with me:

  • I am writing the blogs not to indulge our feelings as if they are the most powerful force in our lives but to seek to help and encourage you in your own season. 
  • I commit not to lecture or try to solve deep issues with simple “Facebook” type single sentence answers. 
  • I commit to be honest in my own struggles but also share the life-changing Word of God and how God has met with me. 

To close, let me encourage you with this quote: (Desiring God) – “Keep listening for God’s voice, even when you feel dead to his word. Keep crying out to him, even when he feels deaf to you. Keep gathering with his people, even when they don’t understand what you’re going through. Soon enough, God will wipe away every tear”.

New Year’s Resolutions and Spiritual Dependency

With the new year just a few hours away many of us are thinking about the good old ‘New Year’s Resolutions. Often we think about similar personal changes. In doing just a little research here’s what I found out about resolutions –

Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. ‘Exercise to get in shape’ (19.7%), 
  2. ‘Diet to lose weight’ (18.3%), 
  3. ‘Save money’ (14.8%), 
  4. ‘Eat healthier in general’ (11.9%), 
  5. ‘Something for self care’ (5.5%) 

What New Year’s resolutions reveal is the deep desire in all of us to grow and develop. We look inside ourselves and desire to improve in small and large ways. As Christians this should always be our life long, humble posture before God. We call it a teachable heart, a humble attitude or spiritual dependancy. 

But just as the list above shows, our wills are at war within us. I love Romans 7 and its clear description of this battle. (v.21) “Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me”. Isn’t that the honest truth? I want to loose weight but I love chocolate, fries, and, and, and!!!! I want to save money but the thing I really ‘need’ is on Amazon and it’s cheap, and it’s reviews are amazing! I love to exercise and I know I need to but Amazon Prime and Netflix has this show I need to finish!!! 

My New Year’s resolutions are split into two groups spiritual and physical. 

My physical goals for 2020 are to loose weight and stop drinking soda, especially my best friend, Diet Coke. I want to do a better job of respecting the body God gifted to me and be around to know my grandchildren. 

My Spiritual goal for 2020 is to grow in dependency upon God. I love John 15:5: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing”. I’ve often read that verse and in my mind I’ve agreed to that principle. I am dependent upon God. But then I go back to living ‘my’ everyday life dependent upon myself. To be honest it’s only in the ‘big’ or ‘impossible’ things do I express that dependency. There is a part of me that kind of likes independence. To prove that I can do it and that I am strong and capable. But then temptation comes or a situation arises and I’m keenly aware once again of my weakness. 

As Shane and Shane sing in their song “Psalm 46”: “Oh God who makes the mountains melt come wrestle us (me) and win”. That’s my prayer! As 2020 approaches I have been praying and journalling about what it means to live in dependency upon God. I have come up with four main ways I can express and grow in dependency:

  1. Humility – An attitude / posture towards God that freely expresses my weakness and my need for Him – in everything ! 
  2. Wisdom – Allowing God’s Word to inform my mind and control my thinking. God is greater – period!
  3. Respect – Believing and acting with respect towards God and His revealed design and desire for my life.
  4. Help – to express my dependency, moment by moment in prayer. Asking for the help I so desperately need. 

What would you add to that list? I would honestly value your thoughts and comments. Feel free to email me or add a comment. 

Cardboard Connections

When we first listed our home in Colorado I saw a post on a local Facebook page offering moving boxes. I jumped at the offer and picked up all the boxes we could need, including some specialty boxes for our TVs. As we unpacked here in Morton I thought I should pay that gift forward and so I placed a note on Facebook marketplace offering the boxes to someone who could use them. They were given to me and I wanted to gift them to someone else! Within a few minutes of posting the offer I got a reply from a guy named Gary. He said he could really use them and would be around in the morning to pick them up! 

The next morning rolled around and Gary pulled up with his wife in their pick up truck. I noticed right away as I went out to meet them that there was a wheelchair in the bed of this older truck. It became clear that the chair belonged to Gary as his wife got out and offered to help me load up the pile of boxes. She shared how he had been ill and struggled to walk and so relied on the chair to get around. I had prayed that morning that God would lead and guide me as we start this new season in Illinois. I didn’t expect Him to answer so quickly and powerfully, but then God works like that sometimes, doesn’t He?

As we placed the last box on the bed of the truck and placed the wheel chair on the pile to stop it blowing off I heard a tap on the rear glass of the truck. It was Gary asking me to come to the truck door to speak. He thanked me for the gift and I sensed at that moment that this might be a ‘God appointment’, as I like to call them. So I asked if it would be ok to pray with them, right there in our new street as complete strangers. He quickly agreed and to my surprise this guy held out his hand to hold mine while we prayed. His wife did the same thing. So here we were strangers holding hands in the street with a truck full of empty boxes. I asked God to lead and guide my prayers and I just simply prayed for them. I prayed for strength for Gary and his wife with his illness. I also prayed that if it was God’s will, would He heal Gary and allow him to walk again? 

We finished the prayer, said goodbye and off they went. It wasn’t more than half an hour that my phone pinged again and it was Gary saying thanks.  I thought that would be the end of our interaction and so I said remember Christmas is a reminder that God exists and loves you. Gary again thanked me. About an hour later my phone pinged with another message from Gary. He told me how they had got home and a plumber was there to fix a problem in his house. Gary’s wife quickly went in to show the plumber the problem. Gary shared how he was sat alone in the truck with his chair piled high in the truck bed on top of a pile of boxes and he needed to go to the bathroom in the worst way. He then shared how he remembered what I had prayed and thought he should try and walk. So he pulled himself out of his truck and slowly, carefully walked into the house. It was something he hadn’t been able to do for months. His wife took one look at him and wept. Gary again thanked me for my prayer. I replied that God is the one who is powerful and He hears our prayers as He loves and cares for us. 

This story isn’t about me at all as I’m just a regular chap, I’m not even sure of hardly any of the details of why Gary was using the chair. But I do know this: God exists and God is at work. If we ask Him, He will use us for the big and small things. I wonder if the reason I don’t see more things like Gary’s story is that I am so focused on my story I don’t slow down enough to see God’s story and how He’s connecting with a broken world that is all around us. This is a ‘Yea God!’ story. Are you willing and ready for God to use you? I am and it’s wild to have a front row seat as I watch Him do more than I ask or imagine. 

Everyone needs a rock

Can you think of a time when you have been in a state of perfect peace? You know what I mean? No stress, no worries, and nothing pressing in on you. Maybe it was during a vacation or a time when you were still. 

I would guess for most of us those times are rare. I have glimpses of peace but they are often followed by a reminder of something I need to do or something that is weighing in on my mind. 

Scripture talks about being still before God. I seek to do that but find my mind wandering easily. That is why I journal so much during my devotions and when I’m sat in church. It helps keep my mind focused. 

God is not like me at all. 

Did you know that God exists in a perpetual state of peace?  Think for a moment about God’s constant state of peace. Nothing worries or surprises Him. Nothing is too much for Him. It doesn’t ever get to a point where His peace is anything but complete and full. There is no issue that He isn’t fully aware of and completely able to lead to the outcome He has already designed. 

But we are not like God. I mean, even if you have nothing huge, like financial or relationship stress going on,  there is always day to day stuff. Driving, working with someone who you don’t get on well with, or not being able to fall asleep. I put my cup to the ice maker on my fridge door and it overflowed, all over the floor. I know that isn’t a big deal but challenges like that mount up as the day progresses. But God never has a moment when those situations are His reality. His peace is endless and perpetual. His capacity to share His peace is without limit. 

God never designed us to manufacture our own peace. He gives His peace as a gift. So when God says in this verse that He is our rock it means nothing ever shifts Him from the strong and sure foundation of peace that He is. That’s why you and I can trust Him even when we don’t understand Him. That is why peace is possible even for the most tightly wound of us. It’s a peace we need to seek moment by moment and day by day. It’s a peace that we need. 

I don’t know about you but I need that rock to lean on and draw strength from. When life is crazy, stressful, or you feel weary and worn, know that our God is our rock. Ask Him for His peace and trust in Him. 

More peace than the mountains can offer

I continue to think a lot about peace – Love this verse: Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

God is offering you a peace today that is deep and real. He doesn’t force His peace on you; He offers you His peace as a gift you need to accept by faith. Accepting that gift starts by praying and laying before Him your soul burdens. As the passage continues God encourages us to pray with Thanksgiving as we think about God’s power and love.

The result is that God brings His peace that is so real and so deep.

As I study peace in God’s Word I see two major kinds of peace:

  1. Peace with God – In I Thess 5:23 God describes Himself as “The God of peace…”. It is from the endless well of peace that God dips His hand into and offers you a portion of His peace. His peace transcends all our understating. In Hebrew the word for peace is “Shalom”. It was used as a greeting and describes a sense of security, well-being and rest. Peace with God comes through Christ and what He has done at the cross for you and I. We can know salvation and eternal peace for our souls.
  2. Personal peace – It is from that restored relationship with God that personal peace comes that is deep and real. Psalm 4:8 says “I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety”. LOVE THAT!! Jesus, in John 14, was preparing his closest followers for His impending death. He says, in verse 27 “Peace I will leave with you, my peace I will give to you, not as the world gives, don’t let your heart be troubled…..”

Peace starts by being restored with God. Any other peace we seek in life is, at best, is short lived. Peace grows when we respond in faith to Christ. Peace comes as we trust God with our everyday burdens and cares. God is in control and God has a plan. It isn’t the absence of tough times that results in peace, it’s the faith-focused trust that is expressed in the hardest of times that results in a peace that transcends understanding.

As I studied and prayed God led me to four possible reasons why I’m not at a place of soul peace:

  1. Trust – I’m doubting God – His power – his presence
  2. Prayer – I’m trying to sort the situation and not bringing it to Him
  3. Time with God – I’m not spending time in His Word and Worship
  4. Confession – I have junk in my life that I need to confess to Him and ask for His forgiveness for.
I love hiking in the mountains, its so peaceful there, but my soul needs a deeper peace than even the mountains can offer.

As I prayed and prayed about my soul angst God led me to two encouraging truths:
The future is God’s and not mine! I pray for answers but what I really need is Him!

Say to your soul – chill and trust!!

Soul angst

Winter came last week to Northern Colorado. It was over 70 degrees one day but by the next morning the temps had dropped to the mid 20s and there was snow blowing around. I feel the angst in my soul as I drive today. People who know me may say a lot of different things to describe me, but one thing I know no-one will say is this: “That Glyn, he’s such a chilled chap”. I live on the edge of angst in my soul most of the time. I’m prone to worry, anxiety and feel stressed. 

This is why one of my favorite passages is in Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. 

The prescription for soul angst is prayer which results in peace. 

Let’s define peace: 

  • Worldly peace – absence of pain – fear – worry – (temporary – experienced based) 
  • God-given peace – Shalom – abiding in God’s presence – trusting in God’s promises – confession – worship – prayer – time with God – sanctuary 

God wants you and I to know His peace. But His peace isn’t forced on us; it’s a gift we need to receive. That receiving requires a response of faith. A response that primarily looks to God and not our emotions or circumstances. 

That’s so easy to say and yet for me, especially in this season, it’s a minute by minute faith choice. We are trying to sell our house in Colorado and move back to Illinois. We are trying to raise support so I can begin working supporting church planters all over the world. 

As I read these verses again I think about the word “guard” towards the end of this passage. God wants to guard against the natural angst in my heart with His presence and His peace. So if I am not living in a place with soul peace, no matter what is going on, then it’s me that’s moved from hIm and not Him from me. 

I had a series of convicting revelations recently. I share these to encourage and challenge you in your own faith journey. 

  1. It’s so easy for me to take my eyes off of God and onto my situation or how I feel at that given moment. The result is that I am up and down depending on what’s happening. I need to grow in my faith.
  2. I regularly bring my burdens to God. I have had such sweet times with God during the last few weeks. He has met with me in such a powerful and personal ways. Yet my heart is still focused on my requests and not my God. I am learning that I want answers and think that’s my greatest need. God is teaching me that He is what I need most. I pray for a buyer for our house and for support but God is calling me to seek Him above all else. 

Christians, Social Media and Kayne West

Thanks for all those who’ve responded to my blog on WordPress, FB and Insta. There is definitely an interesting stirring right now. When I posted a few days back I only listened to the album “Jesus is King” a few times and chatted with a few people about it. I only read a few posts. Even from that little bit of background it was clear that a lot of people are talking about this.

What strikes me as interesting is people aren’t talking about the merits of the record, the lyrics or the music. They aren’t talking about how God is even able save the person we think most unlikely to come to Him. They are talking about the validity of Kayne claims. 

But think for a moment about Paul, the Christian killer and the thief on the cross, next to Jesus. Come to think of it – think about Glyn Knight. What right do I have to claim Christ? Nothing in my self that’s for sure and everything that Christ has done. People that knew me as a teen have said “I can’t believe you became a pastor”. I have no right to claim Christ based on myself – neither does Paul, the thief or Kayne. But Jesus is able to save all those who come to Him. Don’t we really believe that?

So shouldn’t Kayne West be given the same grace? Shouldn’t our first response as Christians to be praying and not judging?

I have been joining in on some FB conversations (Something I really try not to do…) about this whole discussion. Here’s a couple of quotes from a thread I was involved in – I’ll keep the authors anonymous. The convo focused on “Has Kayne really changed, is He saved?”

  • Once an ass always an ass. Just like you can’t make a silk purse out of a sows ear
  • You’re not really falling for this are you? Seriously? He “finds God” and starts targeting the conservative Christian demographic because they will buy any crap labelled “Christian” regardless of the quality as long as it reinforces their views. The man is married to the queen of materialism and excess and he thinks of himself as some sort of living god

What on earth? So set aside the label ‘Christian’, as I don’t know these people so I don’t know what they claim. But – is this a respectful response? Is that how we want our kids to speak? Is that the atmosphere you want in your work place? 

As Christian’s on Social Media let me encourage you with a couple of things:

  1. Written posts / comments are more formal than spoken words. Written posts / comments are more permanent. You can see my posts and comments from way back when….. gulp.
  2. There is a portion of people who read what you write and evaluate all Christians by you. They may not know another Christian and when you are harsh and judgmental they perceive all Christians are harsh and judgmental. 
  3. Your comments are not anonymous. You have no idea who has copied and pasted what you write…..just like I did above.

It’s so essential that we never forget the truth of John 9:25 “Once I was blind but now I see…”. I, like you, am a sinner saved by grace. I have absolutely no grounds to boast and seek to evaluate myself above others. I’ve been a pastor for 20 years and have helped countless people in countless situations. I could boast in my messages, but they are average and others are way more gifted. I could boast about my people care but there have been many who didn’t feel cared for. Do I really want God to compare my boasting and judgements of others with the condition of my heart and my past?

Let’s end on a positive. Kayne has been doing these pop up Sunday services. There’s some on Youtube. He’s also done a bunch of interviews and here’s what he said in one. “I am here to spread the Gospel and let people know what Jesus has done for me”.  “I’ve spread a lot of things……..now I’m letting you know what Jesus has done for me…..I’m free now…..I’m a son of God”. Isn’t that comment at least worthy of our prayers? Because you know what? 

Whatever his heart is or is not – God is at work. Here’s a couple of comments I pulled from one social media post talking about his album: 

  • Katie K “I started reading the bible last night after listening to Jesus is King”.
  • Ricardo S “I haven’t prayed in a while… I’m going to pray now

If God can use Glyn, or a donkey, can’t He also use Kayne to speak His truth? And shouldn’t we be praying for a mighty move of God to awake countless masses to His amazing grace?